ways to get your ass beat

BY A WOMAN

this weekend, i was an accessory to an-almost-severe-injury-ass-kicking my girl came close to giving her trifling ex. after a few glasses shattered against the wall and after we snapping out of startled "i cant believe i did that moment," i started to wonder "what exactly does it take to get your ass kicked... by a woman?" i mean, we are calm and collected women, but of course there are some things that can set you over the edge. below are a few examples (some i've experienced, but most i haven't):


lies.lies.lies.
yeah - that's right. lies are on the top of the ass-beating totem pole. lies that include phrases such as, "i only love you," "i'm std-free," "married, who me?" "i'm straight," and the classic "nah - i ain't got no kids" are prime examples of what will set a highly intellgent woman over the edge - think lorena bobbit....ok - not sure if she was highly intelligent, but she was definitly tipped over the edge.

non-timely bill payments.
messing with my money?? sounds silly, but mess with my credit score, i mess with you. this goes for both the ladies and the fellas. ever had the horrible roommate situations where they don't give a DAMN about the bills in your name? i recovered once from this (we were all poor). but i saw the signs and symptoms of it happening again the next time i moved - wtf!

saying disrespectful words regarding someone's mother OR father.
this is a no-brainer. we as woman are almost replicas of our mothers and we are our father's favorites, mess with them, you're gonna have problems with us too.

haters(n).
hating as in people telling the world your "so-called personal" business. hating as in a third party telling your friend/man some mess that is complete nonsense.hate as in waiting at a bar, and another female refuses to let you order your drink. hate as in being successful and one attempts to pull you back down (this gets two ass beatings one for hating, another for messing with money). haters - they're everywhere, all over the place, just waiting to get an ass beating when they mess with the wrong one.

stealing, especially stealing a jay-z reasonable doubt cd
okay - if i ever find out who stole this cd from me 2 times in college i swear, i'm beating their ass. that was 14, not 15 tracks of pure genius. the old-skool speckaled cd cover has now been replaced with jay-z in a hat, and an additional track. an honorable mention to this ass beating goes to whoever is in love with t.i. now and missed out on ti's first album, "i'm serious." the pure t.i. classic.

reality show ass beatings
if you don't think a woman can beat your ass, then you need to watch flavor of love. check out my girl, new york. if you go on a reality tv show, you deserve to get your ass beat.

i'll end this here and add more if i feel the need, but for now - you probably think i'm nuts by now, which is partially true. i should be studying contracts anyway, let me get my mind right. peace.